Miracle

I have felt for the past while that I should write a detailed post about the ordeal I underwent during the delivery of our baby. On January 4th, I checked in to the hospital with Marc to have a scheduled c-section to deliver our fourth child, Eliza Ann.




After a completely normal pre-op and receiving my spinal, my doctor, assisted by another OB, began the section. Once they had cut through the skin, they realized that there was a problem. There was clear fluid in the peritoneal space where there should not have been fluid. They quickly saw why: my uterus had ruptured (they believe it happened while I was on the OR table) and Eliza was outside in the area of my bladder. I heard my doctor say, "Get the NICU" in a tone of voice a parent never wants to hear when delivering a baby. Thankfully, Eliza was delivered quickly by the skilled hands of my doctor and her silence was replaced by a weak cry that grew stronger and stronger. Once it was determined that Eliza was out of danger my doctor looked around the sheet to tell me that my uterus had ruptured, that I should not do this again, and to please reconsider tying my tubes right then. Marc and I looked at each other and knew that this was the course we needed to take. The sewing me back together then began. It took much longer than any other of my previous two sections as the doctors worked to repair my uterus, tie my tubes, and sew the rest of me back together. Finally, I was in the recovery room with Marc and Eliza. My nurse was vigilantly watching over me while I was able to cuddle with our sweet little girl.




My nurse turned out to be a guardian angel. She began to notice that something was not quite right with my coloring and there seemed to be more bleeding than is considered normal. When she knew that something was not "quite right" with me she called my doctor back to come and look at me. When he came in and saw the amount of bleeding that I was having his face turned a funny shade of white and he informed Marc and I that I would need a hysterectomy right then. There was a flurry of paperwork, Eliza was whisked away to the nursery and I made a weak attempt to call my friends who were taking care of our children to let them know that there was a change in plans for the evening. (I had planned almost every moment of the day and had thought that our older three children would be able to come visit Eliza and me that evening. It's almost amusing the way we make plans in life and then life happens and changes our plans!) I also called my parents to tell them what was going to happen, but by the time I began talking to them I was in a strange sort of delirium and things begin to get sketchy from there. I do remember being wheeled downstairs to another OR and then asking if I would have to have a tube placed down my throat. The last thing I remember was the black mask coming to cover my face. During my emergent hysterectomy my doctor knew something was wrong. He said that everything he would touch inside of my body would either bleed or bruise. I had to receive blood transfusions during my surgery and during recovery (a total of 14 units) as well as plasma, and platelets because of the severity of what was occurring in my body. To the best of my doctors' knowledge, when my uterus ruptured, fluid from my uterus entered my bloodstream which caused my blood to start to attack the foreign "invader." This sent my body into a condition known as DIC (disseminated intravascular coagulation). (To read more about amniotic fluid embolism, AFE, visit http://afefund.com/background.htm and to read about DIC, visit http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000573.htm). The hysterectomy took several hours during which time Dr. Hennessey called Marc from the OR to tell him that things were not going well. When Dr. Hennessey realized he could do nothing more for me, he decided to insert two separate drain lines into my abdomen, close me up and pray for the best even though he did not believe that I would survive. About an hour after my surgery the doctors informed Marc that I had about fifteen more minutes before I would die. I cannot imagine what he felt in that moment. Dr. Hennessey spent the night in the hospital in order to monitor my condition. Marc and his boss gave me another blessing following the surgery and many prayers were offered on my behalf. After my hemoglobin levels dropped dangerously low and the doctors waited for my body to begin bleeding out, a miracle happened. I don't know how it happened, but that seems to be the nature of God's miracles. I remember waking up in the ICU intermittently hearing Marc talking to me, then my mom and dad. My brother came, followed by my in-laws and some of my dearest friends. I would wake up to doctors and nurses performing various tests and taking different readings on my condition. I would also wake up to vivid thoughts of family, my future and God. Those two days in the ICU were spiritual as I prayed and was prayed over. It was a surreal experience to simply lie there unable to move and barely able to communicate.








When the time finally came to leave the ICU, I was scared to have to learn how to move on my own again. The ride from the first floor to the second floor postpartum section was rough, but at long last I was able to hold my darling baby and be with our other children as well.








It has been a long road to recovery, but I am beating the doctors' predictions. I know it is due to the faith and prayers of my family and friends. Miracles are real. They are wrought by faith in Jesus Christ. I feel that everyone who was involved in my care, or who prayed or fasted for me has a stake in this miracle. I don't know that I fully understand why I was blessed with this miracle, but I do know that my heart overflows with gratitude for it every time I look at my husband and children. I know that heaven must be a wonderful place, and I would love to be with my Father in Heaven, but I could not bear to leave my family here. I have a feeling that I pleaded with Father to allow me to stay here and I am so thankful he answered that prayer.

Remembrance and Gratitude

Today we started a new tradition with our family: We decided to make some treats and cards and take them to our local fire and police stations to thank them for their selfless service. This idea was not our own, but one when Marc and I heard about it, knew we had to do. This past week has allowed us several opportunities to teach our children about what happened and what we felt on September 11th, 2001. I have shed tears telling my three children about that day and what I witnessed watching the live newscast while attending BYU. This morning I had them watch as a news station showed the same images that I watched that fateful morning. I am glad that my children know what happened that day and I will remind them on every anniversary of the heroes of that day. That is why we visited our fire and police stations today. As most ran to get away from the chaos, they ran toward the doomed towers hoping to save anyone left inside. My appreciation for their acts of heroism increases as the years pass. Our son told us that when they discussed September 11th as a class there were several people who had no clue why this day was important to remember. What a terrible disservice those parents are doing for their children. If we do not remember what happened that day, there is no chance of understanding much of what is happening in our country today. Our family will remember, and we will do so in a spirit of reverence for the lives that were lost and in gratitude for those serve selflessly. REMEMBER

Pregnancy Then and Now

This pregnancy is turning out to be different from the last few. For one, when I was pregnant with Emma-Kate, I worried constantly about how I would be able to take care of my other two little children when and if I had to go on bed rest again. That thought absolutely consumed me as Marc was headed out to the desert toward the end of my second trimester and I would be left with a two and four-year-old. Not to mention it was a pretty dangerous deployment and my nerves were an absolute mess! My anxiety level was over the top and when I was placed on bed rest I worried about having another preemie in the NICU, an experience I did not want to repeat. Aside from those worries, I'm sure there were more, whether real or perceived, that made me a complete basket case! This time around has been so different. I am receiving weekly shots of progesterone to hopefully ward off any preterm labor, and I am working out about four times a week. The first few months were anything from easy (I was more ill than during any of my previous pregnancies) but that is past and I am gaining weight right on target. My worries are different, my greatest fear being the loss of the baby. Maybe this is heightened because of the loss of my sister-in-law of their baby in May. That was a difficult time for them and their family a reminder to all of us of the fragility of life and the importance of family. Emma-Kate has become attached to the baby in my belly and volunteers to say every prayer we have as a family to pray that the baby will be healthy and "hurry up and grow so she can be ready to be born." It is one of the cutest things I have ever experienced. Her enthusiasm for this little baby combined with my fear makes me anxious at times, but overall I feel a lot of peace. Emotionally I feel better than I have in years. Physically, I am still trying to gain back some of the endurance I lost while on my hiatus from the gym this summer. I have my ups and downs, but I am so happy to be having another little girl. Now if we could only agree on a name......

Preparing soil

So my better part of yesterday was spent in our yard preparing the ground for our vegetable garden. It's kind of funny because the area we chose to use has been completely dead for about a year and because we didn't want to dig up any remaining grass, we dug up the dead area hoping that something will actually grow there. We did add peat moss and compost which we are hoping and praying will make our vegetables grow. The other funny thing about this garden we are attempting is that I swore off gardening after experiencing lackluster success last year in the planting arena. In fact, even the flowers I planted in my front landscaping didn't work out. My reason for a hiatus was that I have done it for the past three years with minimal success. I did get some pretty good green beans and tomatoes the first year I planted, and herbs seem to be something that even a black thumb cannot ruin, but last year in spite of all of my plants growing and flowering beautifully, they produced nada. So this year, after publicly announcing that I was finished with vegetable gardening, my dear husband read an article in the Ensign about gardening and decided that it was VERY important that we give it a go this year so that we can learn to "work the land" in case we ever have to depend upon ourselves for food. (A very scary thought and all the more reason to bulk up on food storage!) My initial reaction was one of not only disbelief, but dread in knowing I would be the one with the most responsibility for the garden. I admit to complaining, but secretly I was a little excited about trying to garden on a larger scale than I have before. The soil had to be prepared, and as we are not owners of a fancy rototiller, nor do we know anyone who is, we had to use our handy shovel to turn over all of the dirt in our 12x15 foot garden. There were roots to contend with from the pine trees that were cut down last year which were hard to pull out. (There were so many that my garbage can is filled with them.) There were also chunks of cement and actual bricks that had to be pulled out. All of the backbreaking work of preparing the soil for our plants allowed me to reflect on the parable of the sower and the seeds that were planted. When we read this in Gospel Doctrine I was struck by realization that it was the condition of the soil that caused results in the parable. The seed was the same wherever it was planted, it was only that soil that had been prepared, creating optimal growing conditions that allowed the seed to grow and produce fruit. I wondered after the lesson about the condition of my soil.....have I taken out the things in my life that would prevent and even prohibit me from receiving the full blessings of the Gospel? What entangling roots are there that I need to take out? Just as the roots in my backyard were difficult to pull out, surely the casting aside of bad habits requires hard work and valiant effort. Just because things are the "right" thing to do does not mean they should or will be easy. Sometimes we think that our path in doing what the Lord expects of us should be unhindered from difficulty. This is not always, if ever the case. The Lord said only that He would "prepare a way." He did not say that way would be free from difficulty. I am glad to have had the past few days to "work the land" of our little vegetable garden. While we are far from seeing any kind of harvest, I believe the effort of this undertaking will teach us important temporal as well as spiritual lessons. Meanwhile, I will pray over our garden and have faith that our daily efforts will be fruitful.

"What debt of gratitude is mine"

This was a week to remember....and there are some things that I am feeling especially grateful for as I review the events. In addition to John feeling so much better and having the infection under control, having Marc with us relieved so much of the burden of this trial. Being able to share the burden of caring for John and still taking care of the girls and our home brought peace to my mind and heart. I was simply grateful to have him with me to listen to me cry, to hug me, to have him comfort John, and especially to make me laugh. He drew silly pictures on the whiteboard in the hospital room, played with the medical equipment in the room (he checked to make sure my ears were clear), and joked about a myriad of other things which lightened the mood considerably. I was so glad when he arrived each day to the hospital. The first day he arrived, he should have been arriving elsewhere on a trip for work. Once the doctor decided to send John over to the hospital to admit him to the ER there for further testing, I was on the phone to Marc, who in turn called his work seeking approval to cancel the trip. He was in line to board the plane when I called him and we narrowly missed him turning off his phone. Yes, I am thankful for the miracles in my life.

John is doing much better now, and will see a specialist in the near future regarding his kidney/ureter. There are so many bumps in this road of life, and sometimes upon reflecting the bump that we have just been over we realize that it was a bit scarier than we thought it to be at the time. I know that it is only because of Jesus Christ and the faith that we place in Him that we are able to weather these storms. He carried me through this past week and I feel indebted to Him for His "tender mercies" that attended our family this week. We may not know why we pass through the trials that we do, but He knows all things and will work so that all these things will work together for our good.

Keeping it real

Happy birthday--the dog has diarrhea and it is all over her, the kennel and the garage! After cleaning out the kennel, then giving the dog a bath (who is recovering from being spayed last week) and being literally pulled by the dog twice out of the bathtub, getting soaked in this process, poor Sadie walked over to the pile of laundry on the floor and puked all over it. Ugh. At least it was going to be washed anyway! The other dog decided to pee on John's bed--more laundry and it is barely ten in the morning. At least things can only go up, right?!

Really??

This is funny, too funny!  I am watching the elction returns tonight :( and see Anderson Cooper talking to a hologram.  The caption actually reads, "Will.I.Am via Hologram."  Really?  I had to check the channel to make sure that I wasn't watching Star Trek.  What has news come to now to get ratings?  

Be Kind!

One of my friends just forwarded me a story about the kindness of a group of people to our soldiers.  This reminded me of the kindness of my soldier/airman in my life.  Because Marc never reads my blog I feel that it is alright to tell about him!

Last spring he traveled to a base in a remote area of California for some traning.  Next to the base wa sa small town where he and his coworkers would go to eat lunch and dinner.  While eating lunch one day Marc noticed an elderly woman eating lunch alone in the restaurant.  When he went to pay for his lunch he also asked to pick up the cost of this woman's lunch as well.  He wanted it to be anonymous, but the waitress informed the woman who had paid for his lunch.  She approached Marc to thank him, but also informed him that that very day was the anniversary of the death of her husband and every year she came to that particular restaurant where they had come often when he was alive.  

Marc only told me this to explain why his lunch appeared to cost so much when the charge came up on our account.  I could not have been prouder of my husband or more honored to have such a great example of kindness and service in my life.  If only more of us, myself included, would look for ways to help others, to notice those who arms hang down, those who are lonely and need only a kind word to keep them going.  Maybe we could just smile more today and be more courteous!

Goals

Do you ever have a great idea of something that you would like to accomplish that is a larger task than anything in your normal routine?  Having a goal and accomplishing it is an awesome feat.  The people I admire most in my life have had concrete goals that they have worked hard to accomplish.  One of those people is my little brother, Rob.  He is in medical school right now after many years of hard work to get there.  Ever since we were teenagers I remember that he wanted to be a doctor.  He will see his goal fulfilled in a short year and half.  

I love running for precisely that reason:  it gives me something to work toward, to reach a personal best in something tangible!  I have signed up for another race and training for it feels good.  I hope to someday be faster than I am right now and I will get there if I continue to be consistent in my pursuit of it.  

Now I have made a new personal goal for myself.  This goal I don't want to tell anyone about right now in fear that I won't follow through.  I am excited to do it and am hoping to keep my enthusiasm for it as time goes on.  This goal will help me in more ways than almost anything else.  I have great faith and hope in this one!

Barbie Cakes!

I just have to add the following pictures to my blog of Abigail's birthday cake that I made for her party! It was fun to make such a pretty cake and see how excited Abs was about it. Everyone thought it was hilarious when we cut her "bottom" out first. This has definitely inspired me to be more creative with every birthday!  

If anyone needs a Barbie cake I am here to help!

Uphill battles

When we face trials we are tempted to ask the question, "Why me?" I don't think that I necessarily have asked this question in relation to difficulties that I have faced, but now I find myself asking it. "Why?" I have had such a great time the past six months. My depression had been under control and gone. Then slowly the symptoms return, so soon, too soon. I don't want to be a burden to anyone my family, my friends. I don't want to have this for the rest of my life and yet I feel somewhere that this is to make me stronger.

Abi just had a blister on her foot and to empathize I showed her the blister that I had gotten a few weeks ago. She commented that the skin was still red and so it must hurt. I told her that no, there was no pain anymore and touched it to show her that the skin that had been hurt by the blister had grown back and was stronger than the skin around it that hadn't been hurt in the first place. Maybe I just need this experience as one to make me humble enough to discover gospel principles that I otherwise may have missed. Maybe my skin needs to be toughened up as I have become a little too soft lately. Who knows? What I do know is that I must continue forward with a "perfect brightness of hope" that "all these things will give [me] experience and be for [my] good."

Sarah Palin Rally

I had so much fun at the Palin rally yesterday! It was an incredible experience, and I hope that we will have this conservative woman in office as vice president in January!!

Run, Fender, Run!

Fender ran away this morning when Emma decided to join John and I waiting for the bus. She opened the door and Fendy zipped out the door. Six months ago I wouldn't have been heartbroken if she had never come home, but over the summer I became quite fond of my dog. We have had her for two and half years and you would have thought that I would have grown more attached to her before now, but I guess that I just didn't appreciate the companionship and love she has for me and our entire family.

After the bus came, Emma and I hopped in the van (Emma sin seatbelt) and drove down the street in our neighborhood until we saw Fender. As soon as she saw the van she came running. What could be better than a car ride? She hopped in the open door and jumped right into the front seat where she stuck her head out the window and enjoyed the fresh morning air blowing in her face on the ride home. What a dog! She is probably in my bed curled up under my nice clean sheets tired form her morning run. I really am glad that I found my dog!

Do your job!

Today I watched as McCain announced plans to suspend his campaign and get back to his primary job: being a United States Senator. Then I watched as Obama attempted to turn it into a political opportunity saying that the president must be able to multi-task and the presidential debate scheduled for Friday night should go on as planned. (Mind you, I "watched" all of this while cleaning my kitchen, mopping floors, and helping with homework lest you think that I was sitting on my couch eating bonbons while watching TV.) Anyway, last time I checked, BOTH of these candidates were employed by their states to make laws and there seem to be some fairly heavy issues going on at the moment in our capital that affect ALL of our lives. I really hope that this will haunt Obama. He ought to follow McCain's lead and get back to work!

Inspiration from Atlas Shrugged

On another completely different note I really believe that every right thinking person in the world should read "Atlas Shrugged." In light of what is occurring in our economy and with politics I have been mulling over what I read and learned in that book and believe Ayn Rand's philosophies about the free market and capitalism are right in every way! Read it; it is an accurate reflection of the events of our day and what we are headed for.

Posting Chocolate Cake and other goodies!

Last night I spent entirely too much time on the internet reading other people's blogs. I have decided that there are too many people out there that do not have enough to do.

I did decide to post some recipes and pictures of things that I have made (we will see hoe long this lasts!!) since this is what I do most of the time.

To begin I will include a picture of my new favorite cake: Dark chocolate cake with chocolate ganache. My entire family loves it and it only gets better as it sits over a few days. The original ganache recipe calls for liquor which would probably make it out of this world, but I have omitted it as the alcohol will not cook out. Another note on the ganache: After it cooled this time I put in my kitchenaid and whipped it until it was a lighter brown. Last week when I made it (yes, we also ate it last week!) I simply cooled the ganache and drizzled it on. Then I filled the middle and top with sliced strawberries. Yum!

Dark Chocolate Cake

2 cups boiling water
1 cup cocoa powder (I have not used anything fancy, good old Hershey's works great!)
1 cup softened butter
2 1/4 cups sugar
4 eggs
1 tbsp vanilla (I have been using my Mexican vanilla courtesy of Rob and Haley)
2 3/4 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease bundt pan. In medium bowl, pour boiling water over cocoa, and whisk until smooth. Let mixture cool. Sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt; set aside.

2. In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar together until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at time, then stir in vanilla. Add the flour mixture alternately with the cocoa mixture. Spread batter into pan.

3. Bake in preheated oven for 40-50 minutes. Allow to cool.

Chocolate Ganache

1 cup heavy whipping cream
9 oz dark chocolate chips (or whatever chocolate suits your fancy)

1. Place the chocolate into a medium bowl. Heat the cream in a small sauce pan over medium heat. Bring just to a boil, watching very carefully because if it boils for a few seconds, it will boil out of the pot. When the cream has come to a boil, pour over the chocolate, and whisk until smooth.
2. Allow the ganache to cool slightly before pouring over a cake. Start at the center of the cake and work outward. For a fluffy frosting or chocolate filling, allow it to cool until thick, then whip with a whisk until light and fluffy.

Enjoy! I have no made this cake several times and have only made very slight tweaks to it. It has turned out perfectly every time!

My personal thanks on Memorial Day

I tend to write here when I am feeling some emotion rather strongly. Right now it is of deep gratitude for those who have served and still do serve in our miitary. This Memorial Day weekend means a little more than usual as I prepare to send my husband off to war yet again. This makes his 6th tour in the desert since arriving here four years ago. I also think of my brother John who spends more than half of each year away from his wife and baby to serve his country. How can I not also think and thank my father for his years of service. I am thankful that I had the unique opportunity of growing up in the military and inheriting the traditions that go along with that experience. Then my mind turns to my grandfathers who served in World War II to protect our precious freedoms. My heart is full up to the spilling out of tears from my eyes, something not common for me. I hope that my love and support and passing these feelings on to my own children will be enough.

Entertaining Website

For any of you who read my blog, you may find the following website pretty funny: http://thepioneerwoman.com/

I am quite amused by it and am determined to try some of the recipes. I have been mulling over in my mind all week the need for me to eat a healthier, better balanced diet. I don't necessarily eat horribly, although I tell most people that I do, but there is always room for more veggies! I don't think that I could ever give up breads and sweets because I find way too much enjoyment in them! It's ironic that my two of my very favorite things in the world are so incredibly mismatched: baking good things to eat and running. I would probably be a faster runner if I could eliminate sweets, but I would be a big fat oinker if I gave up running!

Mixed Feelings

I haven't written anything for a while, but today I have a moment to write as Marc is gone with the kids to their games and I am at home with a very sick baby. That's not what I want to write about though. Instead I will tell you about my race this morning. I ran another 5K and did not meet my goal of running in under 30 minutes. That was disappoionting and I could blame it on a number of things....but the fact is that I just didn't do as well as I hoped to. If that were not enough, one of my friends finished first overall for the women. While I am happy for her, I would like to accomplish that one day. Will I? I have no idea. Will I keep trying? Yes! Do I love running? I do and this has become a "life" goal for me. My dad really inspires me as he runs all of the time in spite of injuries and not much free time. He has run as long as I can remember. When I consider that a year ago I wasn't even able to run around our neighborhood at all I realize that I have come a long way. I guess that now my goal is to continue forward! As John told me, "Mom, slow and steady wins the race." Wise words from a 7-year-old!

So Many Things to do

This week has been filled with so many things and it seems that it is so hard to accomplish all that I want to do. For instance, my "to do" list for this week included items like finish sewing tablecloths for YW, put together presidency notebooks, finish painting the girls' furniture white, and paint the kids' bathroom. Mind you, this is in addition to planning and cooking meals, having my turn for carpool, taking kids to teeball and baseball practice, attending YM/YW, going to the dr once for Emma's ear infection and then again to the ER with her yesterday because she sliced her finger open on our bike pump (there is still blood on the floor of the garage that I need to clean so that is another item to add to the "to do" list). Then there is managing to get my running and lifting weights in and try to sometime put on make up. I am exhausted by the time I put my kids to bed and right now I feel like crawling up under my covers and maybe reading a book to stop thinking about all there is to do. Did I mention that I still need to transplant my rapidly growing herbs to bigger pots, weed and plant more flowers in my backyard, clean my carpets and bathrooms, wash and fold and put away my family's laundry, try to work in a eight mile run tomorrow and also try to have some quality family time? Just writing this is kind of stressing me out. On the other hand, I am almost to the point of laughing it all off. Did I mention that John's birthday is next Friday and we are going on a three-day two night family camping adventure? It is a surprise, so that also requires more planning. I think that I should really break all that I have on my plate into different categories and then prioritize those things. Family time and playing with my children is definitely my highest priority, but in evaluating things, it doesn't seem like it is. I find writing to be very therapeutic for me. Even if no one reads this, I will be grateful that I took the time to write a little and vent about what I do and need to do. One of my laurels asked me this week what I did to have such busy days. I must have really unloaded on her because after I finished, she could only say, "Wow." Marc made the mistake of assuming that my days were footloose and fancy free to which I really laid it down for him all that goes on around here when he is at work. I know he has to deal with a lot of crap at work, but I get to deal with a lot of literal crap here at home. It is not my favorite part of this job. It is funny, but I have been planning on going to work when my kids were all in school, but this week while Abigail was helping me to paint her table and chairs I realized that I wouldn't trade anything in the world for that moment of having fun while painting and I don't want to miss any moments like that in the future. I don't know that I would be able to find a job that would allow me the opportunity to be with my children when they are not occupied with school. We shall see on that one. I am beginning to ramble, but another thought about being home with my children.....There is a quote from (wait I need to quote it correctly because I hate the people who say, "A prophet, I'm not sure which one, once said....)okay I found it and will include the entire quote because it has imprinted itself on my heart. It is from Pres. Harold B. Lee:

Mothers, stay at the crossroads of the home.

Keep the mother of your home at the “crossroads” of the home. There is a great danger today of homes breaking down because of allurements to entice mothers to neglect their being at home as the family members are coming to or going from the home."

I want to be there in all of my children's comings and goings and influence them for good at every chance I can. Life is tough and there is so much to do, but when I think about what is important, everything becomes much clearer!